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From Unconfirmed Sources: Bernard Madoff appointed Commissioner of Social Security Administration.

Bernard Madoff, a certified-expert in ponzi schemes, has been appointed as Commissioner of the Social Security Administration. The bipartisan consensus on the Hill is that Mr. Madoff would make a great Commissioner.

"My strategy was working so long as the Federal Reserve and the government were able to keep the inflationary bubble going, and I was able to get more and more dollars of a lesser value deposited into my accounts. The only thing I was really lacking was a printing press in my office," said Commissioner Madoff.

"We all know the way the government and the Federal Reserve work, and the entire Social Security scam system," said Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi. "So long as Mr. Madoff has the full support of the government's printing press, he will be able to manage Social Security accounts with expertise."

Next! Madoff explains "fractional-reserve banking".