The Economy and the Golden Child™

(Source: Max Ernst.)

O God, Please Help Me Sheer the Sheeple!

The venereal New York Times reports: Believers Invest in the Gospel of Getting Rich.

Onstage before thousands of believers weighed down by debt and economic insecurity, Kenneth and Gloria Copeland and their all-star lineup of “prosperity gospel” preachers delighted the crowd with anecdotes about the luxurious lives they had attained by following the Word of God.

“God knows where the money is, and he knows how to get the money to you,” preached Mrs. Copeland, dressed in a crisp pants ensemble like those worn by C.E.O.’s.

Even in an economic downturn, preachers in the “prosperity gospel” movement are drawing sizable, adoring audiences. Their message — that if you have sufficient faith in God and the Bible and donate generously, God will multiply your offerings a hundredfold — is reassuring to many in hard times.

The preachers barely acknowledged the recession, though they did say it was no excuse to curtail giving. “Fear will make you stingy,” Mr. Copeland said.

But the offering buckets came up emptier than in some previous years, said those who have attended before.

Many in this flock do not trust banks, the news media or Washington, where the Senate Finance Committee is investigating whether the Copelands and other prosperity evangelists used donations to enrich themselves and abused their tax-exempt status. But they trust the Copelands, the movement’s current patriarch and matriarch, who seem to embody prosperity with their robust health and abundance of children and grandchildren who have followed them into the ministry.

At the convention, the preachers — who also included Jesse Duplantis and Jerry Savelle — sprinkled their sermons with put-downs of the government, an overhaul of health care, public schools, the news media and other churches, many of which condemn prosperity preaching.

But mostly the preachers were working mightily to remind the crowd that they are God’s elect. “While everybody else is having a famine,” said Mr. Savelle, a Texas televangelist, “his covenant people will be having the best of times.”

“Any time a worried thought about money pops up in your mind,” Mr. Savelle continued, “the next thing you do is sow”: drop money, like seeds, in “good ground” like the preachers’ ministries. “Stop worrying, start sowing,” he added, his voice rising. “That’s God’s stimulus package for you.”

At that, hundreds streamed down the aisles to the stage, laying envelopes, cash and coins on the carpeted steps.

This is fucking awesome! It's like a scene out of Brazil or India or Italy.

BWAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Shoot the Greens

Some totally ding-dong journal from Ohio reports: Double-digit unemployment hits 41 markets.

Forty-one of the nation’s 100 major labor markets, including Dayton at 12.1 percent, are now saddled with double-digit unemployment rates, according to newly released figures from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Delusional, Retarded or Both?

Yahoo! reports: A superstar real estate agent plots his comeback.

It's the perfect Miami morning at Carlos Justo's penthouse -- warm and bright, with luxury yachts powering through the sparkling blue Atlantic Ocean some 30 stories below.

Justo, a 53-year-old real estate agent, has been awake since 3:30 a.m. but he shows no sign of fatigue. His eyes scan back and forth, from the high rise condos, to the water, and back to the condos.

An assistant, sitting at a glass table with her back to the stunning view, is talking business. She wants to know whether he will receive any commissions or checks anytime soon.

"Right now, we don't have any money," Justo says. He continues talking. Fast. Pacing back and forth, he gazes out the window.

In fact, Justo is $20 million in debt. He is five months into a massive bankruptcy filing. The IRS is after him for $6 million.

And yet, he dreams.

Like so many of our modern titans -- think Donald Trump -- he inspires both admiration and contempt. Greed, he acknowledges, fueled his rise. Hubris ensured his fall.

Next time, he says, it will all be different.

In 2005, Justo was worth $20 million. He and the agents who worked for him sold $200 million in real estate in a single year. He was also the owner of 12 multimillion dollar estates in the county's most exclusive enclaves; he intended to eventually flip them and make a profit. Justo and his business partner, Irving Padron, were awarded a prestigious Sotheby's franchise and opened its offices in one of the few historic mansions in downtown Miami.

Justo spent $1,000 on sushi lunches, $3,000 a month on life coaching. He didn't accumulate many things -- he enjoyed sparsely decorated, all-white furniture and rooms -- and freely let his friends stay in the various homes he owned.

For three years, Justo had tried to avoid filing Chapter 7, even borrowing $15,000 from his 85-year-old mother and $75,000 from his 83-year-old aunt to pay his monthly debts. But he was underwater on too many mortgages. There were other creditors, too, including the IRS, which claimed that he should have filed his taxes in the United States, not in the U.S. Virgin Islands, which Justo says is his principal residence.

Justo had no savings, no stocks, no bonds.

His checking account hit bottom at $49.73. His financial picture was summed up in one dry sentence in the bankruptcy filing: "At the current time, the debtor has no income due to the state of the real estate market."

"In the past, I created my own hell. I needed to be brought to my knees," he says. "Whatever you believe, you create. Today, I live in a world with all possibilities."

But for Justo, those possibilities still include luxury. "I've been rich and I've been poor, and I like being rich a lot better," he says.

He says that after he pays his family back, he wants a yacht. And maybe a personal chef.

Which begs the question: Has he really learned from his mistakes?

Next up: Justo gives handjobs by the Marina for $1. Cash only!