Rubes and Retards

From CNN Finance, we have Playful Perks Propel Google To Top Of Fortune's 'best Workplaces'.

Does this sound like your workplace: On-site pool, 11 gourmet restaurants, pool table and climbing wall, plus unlimited sick leave, five weeks' paid time off after a year on the job, $8,000 in tuition reimbursement and classes in estate planning and foreign languages?

It's a safe bet only Google Inc. employees would answer that question in the affirmative. That helps explain why Google (GOOG) catapulted to the top of Fortune's list of "100 best companies to work for" in the company's first year as an entrant.

Google's perks "are quite amazing, but also what really pushed them over the top was the enthusiasm of employees who work there -- they just love working there," said Milton Moskowitz, a New York-based writer and co-author of the list with Robert Levering. Levering is a co-founder of the Great Place to Work Institute, which surveys the employees and compiles the list for Fortune.

At Google, "fun things go on there that don't go on at other companies," Moskowitz said. "You can come to work in your pajamas. Some come in tuxedos, just as a contrast to the pajamas. They have all these games going on there," he said.

Let's ask the obvious question: is Google doing this out of the goodness of its heart?

Obviously not!

Then, the equally obvious conclusion is that if they are spending all this money, then then must be getting something for it. In fact, they must be getting a lot for it because they could equally well use that money profitably elsewhere.

Secondly, let's ask another question : if I doubled your salary, would you be willing to pay for these perks?

You know, the pool tables, and climbing walls, and gourmet chefs?

If not, why not?

After all, there's no distinction between paying out of pocket with a higher salary, and getting a lower salary with these perks.

Lastly, on a brute-force practical level, why would you believe that a company's perks are the right ones for you? The best they can do is provide some kind of "average" perks that appeal to the "average" engineer.

What if you prefer opera tickets to a climbing wall, or vacations to reimbursing tuition? Most importantly, if you don't care for any of the above, why should you be paying for it at all?

After all, the best judge of what you enjoy is you, not someone else who plans it for you.

(This last statement embeds within it the philosophical essence of capitalism, by the way.)

The blunt truth is that this is nothing more than a "dog and pony show". Sucker the creative engineering types because they have no clue about how businesses work.

No creative engineering type would work for Google unless they had a killer contract. And that would not mean "stock options" (which are just another way to sucker engineers) but a fixed percentage of the profit stream.

I don't think Google is going to be handing that one out!